children, Death, grief, loss

Never Have I Ever

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Never have I ever had to be as strong as I need to be now.  I lost a student recently to sickness.  She was 5 years old.  I don’t even know how to feel or what feelings to have.  Never have I ever lost a student.

I went to see her mom after she told me.  We kept in touch during her surgeries and recovery. She is broken, lost and alone.  I can’t even imagine.  I don’t want to imagine.  Never have I ever lost a child.

Our class sent her videos, cards and love.  We took a moment of silence, celebrated her recovery and now mourned her death.  Never have I ever had to watch children mourn another child.

Parents were told of the sad news and advised to tell their child.  How do you do that?  What do you say?  Never have I ever had to tell my child about another child dying in their class.

Staff was told of her passing.  They reached out.  They all remembered.  They all were sincere.  They all showed love and compassion.  Never have I ever had to accept the condolences of a student.

Grief is deep when love is involved.  I am grieving and my students are grieving and my school is grieving and her family is grieving.  Never have I ever had to feel the weight of all this grief. 

One day, the weight of this grief will disappear as the days roll on.  We will all live day by day, moment by moment, year by year. Some days will be better than others. Laughter will appear, smiles will continue and memories will be told.  Never have I ever had to let go of a student forever and just live in her memories.

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