Love Sucks

There is no way around it.  It just does. Not all the time, but just today in my Teacher life!

I love my kids each year with all my heart.  I give and give and give and give so much of myself to them each day.  I have high expectations for them such as following the rules, being respectful, getting along with others.  Most days they get it. But today, they didn’t. And I felt defeated and unloved and done.

When school was over, I went to find my best friend and get a hug. We talked and prayed and thought of strategies to change their bad behaviors.  I went home drank a chai latte, strong coffee and ate chocolate chips. I began to write my bible lesson for Friday’s Bible Club at school. It’s on the Love Chapter:  1 Corinthians 13:4-7. And I decided to be honest in my blog. Usually for Valentine’s Day, I will write something encouraging and lovely. But this year, this just seemed fitting.  

Worldly Love isn’t always lovely.  It isn’t always joyous. It isn’t always kind.  It is mean and rude. It is sad and relentless. It is disappointing and cruel.  It is of the world, not of God.

God’s Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, 5 never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong. 6 It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out. 7 If you love someone, you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him. (The Living Bible)

I strive to be like Him, but I always fall short as we all do.  We are not perfect like God, so there is no way we could ever love like God.  We should always strive to do so, though. We shouldn’t give up just because one day sucks or we feel we failed.

I realize that I just gave myself a pep talk and advice.  Which happens a lot, by the way. Sometimes I’m my only cheerleader. I know that I will go back to school tomorrow and love on my kids and many days after that.  I know tomorrow will be different as are all the other days to come. Days will turn into months and months into years and a different crowd of kids will be raised and loved by an awesome Teacher.

But today,.today………….. Love Sucks!

Bonded

God puts together the most unlikely people to share his eternal blessings. Who has God put in your path? Whether they’re physically or mentally in your path, you are bonded, eternally bonded!

The Story:

I serve in our Kidz program at church (Revolution Church, NC)  every third Sunday. This particular Sunday, a little boy, Logan, attended with his dad.  It was his first Sunday at our Church and his first Sunday at any Church, since his mom didn’t take him to Church at all where they live.

When his dad brought him up to kidz, he was crying and didn’t want to come into the room.  I was given the opportunity to assist his dad and Logan into our Kidz service. Not sure what to do, I lead them both into the room, showed them around and found out which center Logan liked to play in, Legos.

We sat down, even dad, and began to play.  Logan stopped crying and began a conversation about what he was building.  After dad notice Logan was calm, cool and collected, he decided to leave us and attend the adult service.  Logan still wasn’t sure he wanted to stay, but we told him he couldn’t take the Legos with him and I promised to be with him the whole time.

We worshipped through singing, reading and praying.  We ate snack and made a craft. It was then time for parents to pick up their children.  When Logan’s dad came, he didn’t want to go with him. He wanted to stay with me. We had bonded.  We had created a friendship; an intentional, eternal seed had been planted in both of us by God.

Logan lives in another state but when he comes to visit his dad, he makes sure I’m going to be at church and I make sure I’m serving in kidz (even if it’s not my Sunday) so I can spend time with him.  God has bonded us together purposely, intentionally. I’m not sure why, but God does. And I’m ok with that!

 

Love 2019

It began with Love, when God created the world and it will end with Love, when God returns and Heaven becomes our home.

Love rules the earth and the Heavens.  It overtakes our lives if we let it in.  I began to learn to love again this past year. (2018)  I found the love of best friend and a lost love. After many years of blocking love with a wall I built to protect me from getting hurt, two people were sent to me to show me the love I deserve and wanted.  

I am grateful to God for always loving me and showing me unconditional love.  For bringing new loves into my life and proving that it still exists in the right people that He chooses to send.  But remember, you must be discerning and receptive to receive this love. It doesn’t always come the way you think it might. Thank you, God!

I am grateful to my loves who bring such joy to my life.  Showing me how to receive love has been their greatest gift to me.  I have always given love, but receiving it has been a little hard because of past mistakes.  Opening up, taking down my wall, becoming submissive and enjoying their love has made me a better person.  Thank you, loves!

In 2019, My one word is Love!  I choose the give and receive love.  I want those I love to know I love them.  I will overly love them because our days aren’t promised, even though my coffee thinks I’ll live forever. lol  

Learn to love God who loves you even if you don’t love Him.  Learn to love yourself even if you don’t. Find ways to change that without looking for others to do it for you.  Love for yourself should only come from you. Your happiness is just that: Yours. No one can make you happy, only you.  When others see your happiness for yourself, they’ll want you. But you can’t make them happy either. They must find happiness for themselves.  And when you come together, It’s a whole lot of love and happiness for yourselves and those who you give it to.

Grow together, love together, lean on each other together, have fun together, make memories together, build a life together.  Love, just let it in!

 

Waiting for Love

First of all, I’m not an expert.  I’m a failure at love. I am divorced from a failed marriage I chose to be in a long time ago.  But over the years, I’ve learned a lot of different things about love and about myself that has helped me to believe that it exists for me again.

 

 

  • Find out who God is and what He believes about you.-True Love

 

Your Heavenly Father loves you.  He created you just the way you are, but you can’t live without him and have the kind of love you desire or have the peaceful relationship you crave.  He gives you your heart’s desire. Psalm 37:4-7 -Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.  Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun.  Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. (NIV) He wants the best for you, His best.  Why would you want anything less? Why would you settle?  Don’t settle! God has His best waiting for you and praying for you! Pray for your spouse, the one God is preparing just for you.  Be expectant, prepare yourself! Let God’s word speak into your life, so that when trouble comes, you and your spouse can overcome knowing God has put you together and will help you through any trouble because you both believe in God’s love, His word and His peace in your lives.  God is the only one who can fill the void you are feeling in your life right now. Let Him fill you with His love.

 

 

  • Find out who you are and what you believe about yourself. -Self-Love

 

Question yourself.  What are your likes and dislikes?  Learn to say NO! Do something you like!  STOP pleasing people! Please yourself! Make a checklist: likes/dislikes.  Go on adventures! Travel! Workout! Hangout with friends, true friends! Be your own Cheerleader.   All these things I’ve done and am continuing to do. It takes time. Be patient! You will learn to love yourself and find new loves about you.  You will not be able to sit still and think about anything else because you will be so busy planning what you are going to do next. How exciting!!

 

 

  • Find out what you love to do and are good at and do that!-Purpose

 

Maybe you’re in the wrong profession, maybe you need to add a profession, maybe you have a hobby you can turn into a profession.  Or maybe you love your profession and you can turn your hobby into a second profession. Ask God what His purpose for your life is. Knowing God and knowing His purpose for your life helps everything fit together.

 

 

  • Set goals and accomplish them

 

One goal or ten, you decide!  But make sure they are YOUR goals.  They are for you first! And not to get a guy/girl.  Real goals! Purposed goals! YOU goals! Short-term or long-term goals! You decide!

 

 

  • Dream

 

Dream BIG!  Whatever you’ve always wanted!  No matter how ridiculous, crazy, silly or annoying!  Dream that! Be that!

 

Set yourself up for a successful relationship by believing in God, having faith in yourself and no matter what happens:  you’re going to be just fine! You’re gonna love YOU and God’s best for you will see just that!

 

God’s Glory

Having to be transparent at times a little difficult for me.  I am not an open book. But when God uses my difficulties as a story for his people and those that are not His, I must be transparent to show you how awesome and loving He is.

Being a Teacher means that I only get paid once a month and sometimes that is hard. Being Single Mom makes it all the more difficult in making sure all the bills get paid and we have food  to eat and gas to go places. Sometimes everything gets paid and sometimes something get left unpaid.

Recently in August right before school started, I put off paying the electric bill because of thinking I would get paid before school started.  I used that money to buy things I needed for my classroom because Teachers have to buy their own stuff. I postponed it 10 days after the due date and then found out I was not getting paid until the day school started (27th).  The bill was due on the 24th, a Friday. I wouldn’t get paid until that Monday.

I tried to figure out something.  I felt horrible, but there was nothing I could do, but pray. I prepared for the worst (no electricity). I made arrangement to stay at a friend’s home.  I found my kids places to stay. I packed all the food in the refrigerator to take to my friend’s house.  I cleaned, took out all the trash, washed all the clothes and waited. I went to school that morning and then back home expecting the electricity to be off, but it wasn’t.  I called my friend to let her know that I was waiting for it to be cut off. So I waited and waited and waited on Friday evening, Saturday morning, Saturday evening and Sunday morning.  The electric company workers can come at any time, even on the weekends to cut it off. Sunday morning, I checked my account balance at the bank because I needed some gas and I knew I had a least $10 in it.  But Glory be, my school check was in there, posted and ready to use. I immediately posted a payment with the electric company and thanked God for showing me His glory, grace, mercy and favor.

God showed me his glory.  He showed me how to prepared for things that could happen and recently for things I want to happen.  God showed up and showed out so that I could show you His greatness and love for his children. Just like He did this weekend when Hurricane Florence hit North Carolina, where I live.  He show His glory by calming the storm through prayers by people who love Him and people that don’t. Think about how many people who don’t know Him saw His glory through prayer. Now they know and hopefully they will have a change of heart about him.  You can too! Just ask Him. He loves you and wants you to see his glory, too!

 

Please don’t call me a Christian!

I know this seems crazy, but after talking with a friend today I decided to let all of you know I’m not a Christian, I’m a Christ-follower!

Now I know some of you believe these are the same thing.  They used to be. But in recent generations, people have put stipulations on what Christianity is and isn’t.  People believe Christianity is a religion with rules and a set of do’s and don’ts. They believe you have to be perfect and sinless before you can join.   This kind of thinking forces people who want to believe to change their mind. They don’t want to jump through a bunch of hoops to love Jesus!

Being a Christ-follower is knowing that I’m a broken, sinful, lonely, unworthy, unwanted, never gonna be perfect person who needs a loving, caring, omnipresent, holy savior who searches and waits for me daily to ask him to help me live my life.  He is the potter of my life. He hugs all the broken pieces together. He forgives my sinful life and forgets about it with my repentance. He’s tells me I’m worthy, wanted, loved, favored, blessed; his princess. I am always, always welcomed at his table.  I don’t have to jump through any hoops to be there. I just have to believe his is the Son of God, Accept Him into my heart and Confess that He is my Savior and live for him with His help.

I still get to be me!  The one He created and knew He wanted to be here on this earth for a purpose, His purpose:  to love Him with all my heart and to love others! Simple, right? Yeah, I think so too. My Christ-follower life is my relationship with God!  It is different from yours. I’m not you and you’re not me. He created us different with different gifts and talents to love Him and reach others so they can know him too (purpose).  There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men.  1 Corinthians 12:4-6 NIV

You do this by just being you!  That’s it. No hoops, no rules, no stipulations.  Just love, his love. He will teach you how to love and live for him, just by being you.  Listen for Him! He is close by waiting for you to call to him (talk/pray). He is always by your side, whether you follow him or not.  He created you and you are His. He just wants to love you and for you to feel his love.

Don’t let Christianity scare you, be a Christ-follower and have a really cool relationship with God today!  Find a church that loves Jesus and people more than they love rules and stipulations. Read The Bible and books that teach you who Jesus really is.  And live the abundant life of love, joy, grace, mercy and peace with Him by your side. The life He created you for!

Jesus replied:  “Love the Lord you God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.” Matthew 22:37-39 NIV

Worthy

I’ve been on vacation this week and I haven’t been following my regular at home schedule.  So I have missed some of my daily devotions with God.

I had a moment this morning that made me realize that “you don’t have to be perfect to follow God”.  In fact,  God would rather us be broken, torn to pieces, battered, bruised, shaken, scared and a bunch of other not so lovely things, so He gets the glory for saving our behinds.

The story!

My grandson and I were traveling to meet my old high school friend for lunch.  We had to drive over the “Cape Fear River Bridge” that separates Wilmington, NC from Leland, NC and beyond.  This bridge has a grated part in the middle that is lifted when a big boat or barge needs to go under it.  As we are going over the bridge, traffic is heavy for two lanes on each side.  We are beside a tractor trailer at times as well as other vehicles.  As we are all on the last grated part, traffic is stopped because of the traffic light that is ahead.  We all start to slow down expect the tractor trailer who is beside us.  He slams on his brakes, skids to stop, I say, “Lord, help us” and slow down myself.  The tractor trailer comes to a stop, doesn’t fish tale into my lane or hit the person in front of him.  Praise God!  I told my grandson, “Only but God, only but God!” We thanked God all the way to our destination.

I had felt guilty for not including God in my vacation routine.  I was not consistent in indulging in His word like I am at home.  But He is not me!  Thank you, Jesus for being you!  He is always on time!  He is always with us!  He is always protecting us and loving us and providing for us.  There is no way, I mean, no way, my grandson and I and all those other people would have made it out without anything happening without God being there at that moment.

I love the way God loves me, in my mess or no mess.  He loves me so much even when I’m not consistent, not on time, not loving, not perfect!  He loves me and will always, always love me!  If you don’t know God the way I do, you are missing out on a loving, caring Heavenly Father who wants to get to know you!  Talk to Him, He is waiting to talk to you!  He created you and He knows you!  Let Him love you and feel His love for you today!