Why I Stopped Praying for my Future Husband

Two years ago, I started feeling attractive.  (What?) A nice gentleman and I started talking and I felt that I might be ready to get married again in the near future.  He used the words, “Godly Wife”. So I started reading Proverbs 31 and following groups on Facebook and Instagram to figure out what that even was.

Being a Christ-follower, I spoke to my Heavenly Father first.  I remember making this big long list of things I wanted and didn’t want.  I put it under my pillow and prayed over it every night before bed. Then I started following this group that taught me how to pray and what to pray for a future spouse.  It was great. I read the scriptures and prayed the prayers for a year. It became hard. I became obsessed and confused thinking I was already good enough and ready. Asking, “When is my time? Why not me?  Is he the one?

I even took a really good paid course on becoming and finding my future husband.  The course work was hard because it made me dig deeper into my prayer life and who my Heavenly Father is and how becoming “the one” is just as important as finding “the one”. My long list became a short list.  My short list includes: God, Protector, Provider, Lover and Best Friend. It was a great course. I’m glad I did it and I recommend it.

But like I said, I became obsessed.  I thought about it all the time. I wanted it to happen when I wanted it to happen and with who I wanted it to happen with.  I would just look at a guy and say, “Maybe he’s the one.” I would even look for a wedding ring.  

So I decided to close that season of my life because it took me away from who I am and who I want to be.  I hadn’t worried about what my life should look like or who I should be with for a very long time. I have God and my family, a career I love and a wonderful purpose given by God.  I am complete. I was making a mountain out of a molehill. I was creating chaos in my peaceful life. Worrying about things that are out of my control. So no more praying for my future husband.

If God blesses me with another someone, then I will wait and let it be a surprise.  I love surprises!

I See Jesus

I went walking around the Lake today for my cardio workout.  When I got there, there were only a few cars and some people sitting at tables under the picnic shelters.  I started walking and feeling insecure and scared because no one else was walking but me. I felt isolated and targeted.

But being stubborn and needing to get the workout done, I continued anyway.  I prayed, “Lord, please protect me and keep me safe.” Then I started to see Him.  I started to see Jesus!

He came as a butterfly as He always has to tell me that everything’s gonna be alright.  But He knows me too well. Around every bend, near every corner, every single time I felt unnerved, He came.  He came 9 times to reassure me that He had everything under control and that I was protected.  

I felt so loved, I smiled every time He came and said, “Hey Jesus!”  One time, He swirled around my feet like we were dancing together. He made me feel so protected and worthy.  

I know people see Jesus in nature and in other things.  But He always comes to me as a butterfly and today was no different.  Thank you, Jesus that you know me so well and love me so much.

Love Sucks

There is no way around it.  It just does. Not all the time, but just today in my Teacher life!

I love my kids each year with all my heart.  I give and give and give and give so much of myself to them each day.  I have high expectations for them such as following the rules, being respectful, getting along with others.  Most days they get it. But today, they didn’t. And I felt defeated and unloved and done.

When school was over, I went to find my best friend and get a hug. We talked and prayed and thought of strategies to change their bad behaviors.  I went home drank a chai latte, strong coffee and ate chocolate chips. I began to write my bible lesson for Friday’s Bible Club at school. It’s on the Love Chapter:  1 Corinthians 13:4-7. And I decided to be honest in my blog. Usually for Valentine’s Day, I will write something encouraging and lovely. But this year, this just seemed fitting.  

Worldly Love isn’t always lovely.  It isn’t always joyous. It isn’t always kind.  It is mean and rude. It is sad and relentless. It is disappointing and cruel.  It is of the world, not of God.

God’s Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, 5 never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong. 6 It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out. 7 If you love someone, you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him. (The Living Bible)

I strive to be like Him, but I always fall short as we all do.  We are not perfect like God, so there is no way we could ever love like God.  We should always strive to do so, though. We shouldn’t give up just because one day sucks or we feel we failed.

I realize that I just gave myself a pep talk and advice.  Which happens a lot, by the way. Sometimes I’m my only cheerleader. I know that I will go back to school tomorrow and love on my kids and many days after that.  I know tomorrow will be different as are all the other days to come. Days will turn into months and months into years and a different crowd of kids will be raised and loved by an awesome Teacher.

But today,.today………….. Love Sucks!

Love 2019

It began with Love, when God created the world and it will end with Love, when God returns and Heaven becomes our home.

Love rules the earth and the Heavens.  It overtakes our lives if we let it in.  I began to learn to love again this past year. (2018)  I found the love of best friend and a lost love. After many years of blocking love with a wall I built to protect me from getting hurt, two people were sent to me to show me the love I deserve and wanted.  

I am grateful to God for always loving me and showing me unconditional love.  For bringing new loves into my life and proving that it still exists in the right people that He chooses to send.  But remember, you must be discerning and receptive to receive this love. It doesn’t always come the way you think it might. Thank you, God!

I am grateful to my loves who bring such joy to my life.  Showing me how to receive love has been their greatest gift to me.  I have always given love, but receiving it has been a little hard because of past mistakes.  Opening up, taking down my wall, becoming submissive and enjoying their love has made me a better person.  Thank you, loves!

In 2019, My one word is Love!  I choose the give and receive love.  I want those I love to know I love them.  I will overly love them because our days aren’t promised, even though my coffee thinks I’ll live forever. lol  

Learn to love God who loves you even if you don’t love Him.  Learn to love yourself even if you don’t. Find ways to change that without looking for others to do it for you.  Love for yourself should only come from you. Your happiness is just that: Yours. No one can make you happy, only you.  When others see your happiness for yourself, they’ll want you. But you can’t make them happy either. They must find happiness for themselves.  And when you come together, It’s a whole lot of love and happiness for yourselves and those who you give it to.

Grow together, love together, lean on each other together, have fun together, make memories together, build a life together.  Love, just let it in!

 

Waiting for Love

First of all, I’m not an expert.  I’m a failure at love. I am divorced from a failed marriage I chose to be in a long time ago.  But over the years, I’ve learned a lot of different things about love and about myself that has helped me to believe that it exists for me again.

 

 

  • Find out who God is and what He believes about you.-True Love

 

Your Heavenly Father loves you.  He created you just the way you are, but you can’t live without him and have the kind of love you desire or have the peaceful relationship you crave.  He gives you your heart’s desire. Psalm 37:4-7 -Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.  Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun.  Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. (NIV) He wants the best for you, His best.  Why would you want anything less? Why would you settle?  Don’t settle! God has His best waiting for you and praying for you! Pray for your spouse, the one God is preparing just for you.  Be expectant, prepare yourself! Let God’s word speak into your life, so that when trouble comes, you and your spouse can overcome knowing God has put you together and will help you through any trouble because you both believe in God’s love, His word and His peace in your lives.  God is the only one who can fill the void you are feeling in your life right now. Let Him fill you with His love.

 

 

  • Find out who you are and what you believe about yourself. -Self-Love

 

Question yourself.  What are your likes and dislikes?  Learn to say NO! Do something you like!  STOP pleasing people! Please yourself! Make a checklist: likes/dislikes.  Go on adventures! Travel! Workout! Hangout with friends, true friends! Be your own Cheerleader.   All these things I’ve done and am continuing to do. It takes time. Be patient! You will learn to love yourself and find new loves about you.  You will not be able to sit still and think about anything else because you will be so busy planning what you are going to do next. How exciting!!

 

 

  • Find out what you love to do and are good at and do that!-Purpose

 

Maybe you’re in the wrong profession, maybe you need to add a profession, maybe you have a hobby you can turn into a profession.  Or maybe you love your profession and you can turn your hobby into a second profession. Ask God what His purpose for your life is. Knowing God and knowing His purpose for your life helps everything fit together.

 

 

  • Set goals and accomplish them

 

One goal or ten, you decide!  But make sure they are YOUR goals.  They are for you first! And not to get a guy/girl.  Real goals! Purposed goals! YOU goals! Short-term or long-term goals! You decide!

 

 

  • Dream

 

Dream BIG!  Whatever you’ve always wanted!  No matter how ridiculous, crazy, silly or annoying!  Dream that! Be that!

 

Set yourself up for a successful relationship by believing in God, having faith in yourself and no matter what happens:  you’re going to be just fine! You’re gonna love YOU and God’s best for you will see just that!

 

One Word 2019

Jesus loves us with no strings attached.  I wanna be like that! Our purpose is to love others the way we want others to love us.  Unconditional, like Jesus loves us. Strive for that! In 2019, that’s my One Word—-Love!

In thinking of my goals for the coming year, I’ve been thinking how I like to be treated: consistent respect, loved unconditionally, forgiven, carried, hugged, positive encouragement, having a growth mindset, cheerleader, always believing, always hoping, always loving, never giving up, striving, changing for the better.

I make goals starting in August because I am a Teacher.  I have 6 goals that run from 2018-2020, short-term goals.  I have 5 out of 6 goals running  right now simultaneously   because they all fit together and I’m a very blessed and favored girl.   All of these goals are not out of selfish intent. These are goals affect other people as well as myself.

  1. Begin to pay off debt (starting in 2019)
  2. Get books published and write new ones (started)
  3. Become healthier in spirit, mind and body (started)
  4. Love my students and help them love learning (started)
  5. Fall in love with my best friend (started)
  6. Start National Board Certified Teacher Program (started)

Within each goal, are smaller goals that help these big goals seem not so big.  Things that I need to do to accomplish each goal. It may seem I’m a type A, but it helps me know what needs to be done.  

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While accomplishing these goals, I am asserting my One Word—Love!  Love for myself and others, but I need to be make sure I’m aware of my love for myself and others as the year progresses.  I need to be intentional. I need to be patient. I need to stop overthinking situations. I need to forgive myself and others and move on when it’s not returned or accepted.  I need to not put people in categories; we are all God’s children. I need to encourage, be inspirational, supportive and show compassion.

Goals help us to accomplish what we deem important to us and therefore, become important to those who matter.

 

True Friendship

I had been on vacation a missed a couple of Sunday services at my own church, but had gone to my sister’s church where I was visiting.  This was my first Sunday back at my own church.

I had missed some of my friends who I get to see every Sunday, but everyone needs to refresh themselves with a vacation.  Thinking about one of my best friends I usually sit with and hoping he would be there this morning made me extra excited about worship.

As I was walking in with my grandson, I was greeted by friends with smiles and great love.  I was already feeling awesome and this just took me over the top. Suddenly, I seen him and he had seen me.  We ran to each other and hugged for a long time. It was awesome. It was like seeing an old friend after an extended period of time.  I asked him to wait so I could take my grandson to children’s church, so we could sit together.

Once in the service, we made sure we found seats together and began worshipping our Heavenly Father together.  What a great friendship to have with someone. I am thankful for our friendship and I thank God for him.

This made me think about my friendship with God. This is how God feels about me!  He loves me and misses me when I’m distant from him. And when I “let go and let God”,  I run to Him and He catches me in His arms and we hug for a long time. Then we sit and have a long conversation about how much He missed me and how He wants me to stay close to Him.

Friendship is a relationship of mutual affection between people. God teaches us to love Him and love others.  Matthew 22:37-39 – Jesus replied, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.”  This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” (NIV)

God brings people and takes people out of our friendship circle.  People who love us, support us, pray for and with us, who are honest with us and stick by us.  He loves us and wants us to be reminded that we are loved, cared for, and wanted by Him and our friends.

 

If you are seeking that kind of friendship, God wants you to know that He is waiting for you and He loves you!