Silent Heartbreak

Poem by Lola Brooks

Too quiet to speak,

No words can express the pain.

There’s no one to tell,

you were my one,

Now I’ve lost you.

I did the wrong thing,

I said something wrong.

I’d take it back,

but it’s too late.

I carry the silence within,

no one knows me like you.

There’s no one to share it with,

you won’t talk to me and

I can’t make it go away.

Refreshment

This past week has had a lot more downs than ups.   Sometime life stops us in our tracks or at least slows us down.  No reason is known, sometime there is none. It’s just the way it is.  It’s how you deal with it that matters. Don’t let one or a million things change what you’ve accomplished.

I went away over the weekend before and my Dad went into the hospital.  I got home late on Sunday evening and got ready for school the next day.  Monday, I didn’t get up and go to the gym. I went to school and then went to take my dad home from the hospital.  Tuesday, I went to the gym, school and then a workshop after school. My mom called and my dad needed some things, so I went to pick them up and take them over. Wednesday, I didn’t go to the gym because of very cold weather,   I went to school and to a workshop after school. Thursday, I didn’t go to the gym because of very cold weather, I went to school and to two workshops (one after school and one at night online). Friday, I didn’t go the to gym because I was tired and sleeping in felt great.  I went to school, stayed late at school and my daughter called to tell me she had the flu. Saturday, I didn’t go to the gym, I woke up late, had my coffee, disinfected the house, washed clothes, cleaned the house, got groceries and rested. On Sunday, I went to church, made lunch, worked on my lesson plans for school and wrote this blog.  A full circle!

This blog is about refreshment.  I normally go the gym every morning (M-F) at 5am.  I try to live a very healthy lifestyle. But LIFE required me to change my day to day normal schedule into a schedule that made me change a few things, but in a good way.  After much thought, I realized that I have lived a healthy lifestyle for 5 months and missing days of workouts didn’t change who I was or who I am becoming. I didn’t change my eating habits or sleeping habits.  I kept in mind what I was doing and what I needed to do. I wasn’t going to let one week of non-workouts ruin my whole life. This week was refreshment for my life! A perspective of who I had become! And what I need to continue to do. LIVE!

I will be returning to my regular schedule program this week because I’m worth it and I miss it.  It kept me grounded and gave me more energy. Thank you DFIT for helping me to know and like my new lifestyle because it makes a difference in all the areas of my life. And I love my life.

Check out www.dfittransformation.com for your lifestyle change.  You will love your new life too!

Circle of Friends

Last night, I went to dinner with some friends who I haven’t seen since the summer.  We had a great time reminiscing about how much fun we had in years past. We laughed and recalled conversations.  It was great! But it wasn’t awesome!

During dinner, my newest best friend of 2 years, texted me and said that she missed me.  She sent me a picture of her hanging out without me. I texted her back and said that I was coming over.  My dinner friends wanted to go bowling after dinner, but I wasn’t feeling it. I told them that I wasn’t going because I needed to take care of my best friend who was going through some stuff. (which is true)

While spending time with my best friend, my second best friend texted me and wanted to talk.  It made me smile. I am a wanted woman! I sort of felt bad for ditching my summer friends to hang out with my newest friends.  But once I thought about it, I realized that my circle of friends had changed.

When you begin to change, the things around you change as well as the people.  Your circle of friends changes. My summer friends are a great group of people.  We will always be friends but with your change, comes new: new friends, new adventures, new doors, new ideas, new attitudes, new mindsets,  new relationships, new favor and new blessings.

As the old year closes and the new year begins, consider what your “new” will be!  And remember there will be things and people you will leave behind. But “new” things and people will find you, support you, love you, hug you, hold you accountable, encourage you, pray for and with you!  

Many blessings in your future endeavours and goals in 2019.  I pray that your “newness” will bring many new things and a new circle of friends.

Love 2019

It began with Love, when God created the world and it will end with Love, when God returns and Heaven becomes our home.

Love rules the earth and the Heavens.  It overtakes our lives if we let it in.  I began to learn to love again this past year. (2018)  I found the love of best friend and a lost love. After many years of blocking love with a wall I built to protect me from getting hurt, two people were sent to me to show me the love I deserve and wanted.  

I am grateful to God for always loving me and showing me unconditional love.  For bringing new loves into my life and proving that it still exists in the right people that He chooses to send.  But remember, you must be discerning and receptive to receive this love. It doesn’t always come the way you think it might. Thank you, God!

I am grateful to my loves who bring such joy to my life.  Showing me how to receive love has been their greatest gift to me.  I have always given love, but receiving it has been a little hard because of past mistakes.  Opening up, taking down my wall, becoming submissive and enjoying their love has made me a better person.  Thank you, loves!

In 2019, My one word is Love!  I choose the give and receive love.  I want those I love to know I love them.  I will overly love them because our days aren’t promised, even though my coffee thinks I’ll live forever. lol  

Learn to love God who loves you even if you don’t love Him.  Learn to love yourself even if you don’t. Find ways to change that without looking for others to do it for you.  Love for yourself should only come from you. Your happiness is just that: Yours. No one can make you happy, only you.  When others see your happiness for yourself, they’ll want you. But you can’t make them happy either. They must find happiness for themselves.  And when you come together, It’s a whole lot of love and happiness for yourselves and those who you give it to.

Grow together, love together, lean on each other together, have fun together, make memories together, build a life together.  Love, just let it in!

 

Waiting for Love

First of all, I’m not an expert.  I’m a failure at love. I am divorced from a failed marriage I chose to be in a long time ago.  But over the years, I’ve learned a lot of different things about love and about myself that has helped me to believe that it exists for me again.

 

 

  • Find out who God is and what He believes about you.-True Love

 

Your Heavenly Father loves you.  He created you just the way you are, but you can’t live without him and have the kind of love you desire or have the peaceful relationship you crave.  He gives you your heart’s desire. Psalm 37:4-7 -Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.  Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun.  Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. (NIV) He wants the best for you, His best.  Why would you want anything less? Why would you settle?  Don’t settle! God has His best waiting for you and praying for you! Pray for your spouse, the one God is preparing just for you.  Be expectant, prepare yourself! Let God’s word speak into your life, so that when trouble comes, you and your spouse can overcome knowing God has put you together and will help you through any trouble because you both believe in God’s love, His word and His peace in your lives.  God is the only one who can fill the void you are feeling in your life right now. Let Him fill you with His love.

 

 

  • Find out who you are and what you believe about yourself. -Self-Love

 

Question yourself.  What are your likes and dislikes?  Learn to say NO! Do something you like!  STOP pleasing people! Please yourself! Make a checklist: likes/dislikes.  Go on adventures! Travel! Workout! Hangout with friends, true friends! Be your own Cheerleader.   All these things I’ve done and am continuing to do. It takes time. Be patient! You will learn to love yourself and find new loves about you.  You will not be able to sit still and think about anything else because you will be so busy planning what you are going to do next. How exciting!!

 

 

  • Find out what you love to do and are good at and do that!-Purpose

 

Maybe you’re in the wrong profession, maybe you need to add a profession, maybe you have a hobby you can turn into a profession.  Or maybe you love your profession and you can turn your hobby into a second profession. Ask God what His purpose for your life is. Knowing God and knowing His purpose for your life helps everything fit together.

 

 

  • Set goals and accomplish them

 

One goal or ten, you decide!  But make sure they are YOUR goals.  They are for you first! And not to get a guy/girl.  Real goals! Purposed goals! YOU goals! Short-term or long-term goals! You decide!

 

 

  • Dream

 

Dream BIG!  Whatever you’ve always wanted!  No matter how ridiculous, crazy, silly or annoying!  Dream that! Be that!

 

Set yourself up for a successful relationship by believing in God, having faith in yourself and no matter what happens:  you’re going to be just fine! You’re gonna love YOU and God’s best for you will see just that!

 

One Word 2019

Jesus loves us with no strings attached.  I wanna be like that! Our purpose is to love others the way we want others to love us.  Unconditional, like Jesus loves us. Strive for that! In 2019, that’s my One Word—-Love!

In thinking of my goals for the coming year, I’ve been thinking how I like to be treated: consistent respect, loved unconditionally, forgiven, carried, hugged, positive encouragement, having a growth mindset, cheerleader, always believing, always hoping, always loving, never giving up, striving, changing for the better.

I make goals starting in August because I am a Teacher.  I have 6 goals that run from 2018-2020, short-term goals.  I have 5 out of 6 goals running  right now simultaneously   because they all fit together and I’m a very blessed and favored girl.   All of these goals are not out of selfish intent. These are goals affect other people as well as myself.

  1. Begin to pay off debt (starting in 2019)
  2. Get books published and write new ones (started)
  3. Become healthier in spirit, mind and body (started)
  4. Love my students and help them love learning (started)
  5. Fall in love with my best friend (started)
  6. Start National Board Certified Teacher Program (started)

Within each goal, are smaller goals that help these big goals seem not so big.  Things that I need to do to accomplish each goal. It may seem I’m a type A, but it helps me know what needs to be done.  

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While accomplishing these goals, I am asserting my One Word—Love!  Love for myself and others, but I need to be make sure I’m aware of my love for myself and others as the year progresses.  I need to be intentional. I need to be patient. I need to stop overthinking situations. I need to forgive myself and others and move on when it’s not returned or accepted.  I need to not put people in categories; we are all God’s children. I need to encourage, be inspirational, supportive and show compassion.

Goals help us to accomplish what we deem important to us and therefore, become important to those who matter.

 

Walk It Out!

Slippers!   The day was not looking good for me! I left my wallet in my daughter’s car early that morning.  I thought I left my phone at home and would not be back until that evening. I didn’t, whew! I had a long meeting at school that morning, had to call a parent about their child’s behavior and write him up.  I met with another person about being the coordinator of a committee at school (my 5th commitment). I had a come to Jesus moment with another student who rolled their eyes at me. I took 10 mins of recess the next day so students in my class could practice how to line up to go out of the room and into the hallway, since they were having such a hard time with it that afternoon.

After school, I had a training so I can be a better teacher and my head was filled with gibbly-garb as I thought about all the things I needed to get done that evening.  I needed to write sub plans for the next day, put students in reading groups, start behavior plans, look at IEP’s and create MTSS plans and tweak lesson plans, grade papers, fill out interims and on and on and on…………….

In the car on the way home, I turned the radio to several different stations.  Finally, I found a head-banger 80’s song, so I turned it up and sang loudly and banged my head to the music.  I found it quite refreshing. Then I remembered what my trainers, Demetrius and Andrea (DFIT Institute for Transformation) told me one day when had a similar day before school started.  They said to go for a walk outside. I thought that would be perfect today.

I got home and immediately changed into my workout wear, grabbed my earbuds and phone (playlist).  I walked in my neighborhood. I walked down my street and up another, up a really big hill and down the really big hill and then home.  As I was walking, I felt the breeze on my face, I looked at the trees, houses, yards, cars, saw a neighbor smile, a big dog (I prayed I wouldn’t be eaten) and all the drama and chaos of that day fell away.  I thought about how much energy I had now and how much I could get done, including writing this blog post!

I still had a lot to do, but I could conquer it now with my extra boost of energy and the fact that the stress of the day had fallen away all because I decided to walk it out!  

Take time for yourself, especially those of us who take work home.  Notice your signs for the need to de-stress and find a way that works for you.  Be intentional, purposeful and creative. Not everything works for everyone.  Make it a healthy choice, make it beneficial for you and your body. Remember it is important for you to be here and do what you do.  So walk it out and find your “ME“ again!