Two years ago, I started feeling attractive. (What?) A nice gentleman and I started talking and I felt that I might be ready to get married again in the near future. He used the words, “Godly Wife”. So I started reading Proverbs 31 and following groups on Facebook and Instagram to figure out what that even was.
Being a Christ-follower, I spoke to my Heavenly Father first. I remember making this big long list of things I wanted and didn’t want. I put it under my pillow and prayed over it every night before bed. Then I started following this group that taught me how to pray and what to pray for a future spouse. It was great. I read the scriptures and prayed the prayers for a year. It became hard. I became obsessed and confused thinking I was already good enough and ready. Asking, “When is my time? Why not me? Is he the one?
I even took a really good paid course on becoming and finding my future husband. The course work was hard because it made me dig deeper into my prayer life and who my Heavenly Father is and how becoming “the one” is just as important as finding “the one”. My long list became a short list. My short list includes: God, Protector, Provider, Lover and Best Friend. It was a great course. I’m glad I did it and I recommend it.
But like I said, I became obsessed. I thought about it all the time. I wanted it to happen when I wanted it to happen and with who I wanted it to happen with. I would just look at a guy and say, “Maybe he’s the one.” I would even look for a wedding ring.
So I decided to close that season of my life because it took me away from who I am and who I want to be. I hadn’t worried about what my life should look like or who I should be with for a very long time. I have God and my family, a career I love and a wonderful purpose given by God. I am complete. I was making a mountain out of a molehill. I was creating chaos in my peaceful life. Worrying about things that are out of my control. So no more praying for my future husband.
If God blesses me with another someone, then I will wait and let it be a surprise. I love surprises!