Two years ago, I started feeling attractive. (What?) A nice gentleman and I started talking and I felt that I might be ready to get married again in the near future. He used the words, “Godly Wife”. So I started reading Proverbs 31 and following groups on Facebook and Instagram to figure out what that even was.
Being a Christ-follower, I spoke to my Heavenly Father first. I remember making this big long list of things I wanted and didn’t want. I put it under my pillow and prayed over it every night before bed. Then I started following this group that taught me how to pray and what to pray for a future spouse. It was great. I read the scriptures and prayed the prayers for a year. It became hard. I became obsessed and confused thinking I was already good enough and ready. Asking, “When is my time? Why not me? Is he the one?
I even took a really good paid course on becoming and finding my future husband. The course work was hard because it made me dig deeper into my prayer life and who my Heavenly Father is and how becoming “the one” is just as important as finding “the one”. My long list became a short list. My short list includes: God, Protector, Provider, Lover and Best Friend. It was a great course. I’m glad I did it and I recommend it.
But like I said, I became obsessed. I thought about it all the time. I wanted it to happen when I wanted it to happen and with who I wanted it to happen with. I would just look at a guy and say, “Maybe he’s the one.” I would even look for a wedding ring.
So I decided to close that season of my life because it took me away from who I am and who I want to be. I hadn’t worried about what my life should look like or who I should be with for a very long time. I have God and my family, a career I love and a wonderful purpose given by God. I am complete. I was making a mountain out of a molehill. I was creating chaos in my peaceful life. Worrying about things that are out of my control. So no more praying for my future husband.
If God blesses me with another someone, then I will wait and let it be a surprise. I love surprises!
Having to be transparent at times a little difficult for me. I am not an open book. But when God uses my difficulties as a story for his people and those that are not His, I must be transparent to show you how awesome and loving He is.
Being a Teacher means that I only get paid once a month and sometimes that is hard. Being Single Mom makes it all the more difficult in making sure all the bills get paid and we have food to eat and gas to go places. Sometimes everything gets paid and sometimes something get left unpaid.
Recently in August right before school started, I put off paying the electric bill because of thinking I would get paid before school started. I used that money to buy things I needed for my classroom because Teachers have to buy their own stuff. I postponed it 10 days after the due date and then found out I was not getting paid until the day school started (27th). The bill was due on the 24th, a Friday. I wouldn’t get paid until that Monday.
I tried to figure out something. I felt horrible, but there was nothing I could do, but pray. I prepared for the worst (no electricity). I made arrangement to stay at a friend’s home. I found my kids places to stay. I packed all the food in the refrigerator to take to my friend’s house. I cleaned, took out all the trash, washed all the clothes and waited. I went to school that morning and then back home expecting the electricity to be off, but it wasn’t. I called my friend to let her know that I was waiting for it to be cut off. So I waited and waited and waited on Friday evening, Saturday morning, Saturday evening and Sunday morning. The electric company workers can come at any time, even on the weekends to cut it off. Sunday morning, I checked my account balance at the bank because I needed some gas and I knew I had a least $10 in it. But Glory be, my school check was in there, posted and ready to use. I immediately posted a payment with the electric company and thanked God for showing me His glory, grace, mercy and favor.
God showed me his glory. He showed me how to prepared for things that could happen and recently for things I want to happen. God showed up and showed out so that I could show you His greatness and love for his children. Just like He did this weekend when Hurricane Florence hit North Carolina, where I live. He show His glory by calming the storm through prayers by people who love Him and people that don’t. Think about how many people who don’t know Him saw His glory through prayer. Now they know and hopefully they will have a change of heart about him. You can too! Just ask Him. He loves you and wants you to see his glory, too!